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Note on this Essay: For information on how to contact the author of this essay, or to leave any comments, please visit my homepage for info on how to contact me. It was written for an English class at Sophia University, December 10, 1998.
Dating full-time
Educated at St.Gallen, one of Europe's leading universities in the field of economics, 24-year-old Emanuel is trained to have an answer ready to most questions. This should especially be true when it comes to mathematics, but surprisingly enough he needs help from his Filofax when asked to calculate how many girls he has dated over the last month.
Still Emanuel sticks to a fairly untraditional interpretation of the word "dating". His definition is simply; "When there's a fire burning, that's called a date. Just having fun is not a date". This statement might insinuate that Emanuel is living nothing but a very promiscuous life, yet this could not be further from the truth. Having the image of a European gentleman as an ideal, his ambitions are different than those of the average American marine coming to Tokyo. Yet, being blond and tall, the Swiss graduate student probably should not have any problems finding a girlfriend in the land of gaijin-hungry girls.
The phenomenon of intercultural marriages is not a modern one. Alexander the Great strongly encouraged these relationships during his short reign more than two thousand years ago, this to strengthen the Greek empire through cultural bonding. Still men and women travel from far away to find something truly different, something that is new and exciting. Emanuel claims not to be one of these, and thinking of his upcoming position working for Victoria's Secret, he probably is not in too much of a hurry to find a wife. Yet, while being the person at the dorm with the most female friends, he certainly has learnt quite a few important facts about the differences between the date scene in Europe and Japan.
The biggest cultural shock for Emanuel has been experiencing the characteristics of relationships between men and women in Japan. "It is not bad, just different, yes, definitely different" he says deeply concentrating not to say something short of being politically correct. In his opinion, the educational system is one of the main reasons why the difference between the sexes is so big in Japan. "Swiss girls are more like boys, and you approach them in the same way as well. Here it is different", he elaborates while again deeply underlining the last adjective. Emanuel goes on to explain how the Japanese educational system strives to stress and reinforce sexual stereotypes, this in stark contrast to Switzerland where the opposite usually is the case. While he as a kid always would play soccer and interact with girls, he feels that the contact among youngsters here is very limited.
In general, Emanuel thinks all the small distinctions between Japan and Switzerland add up to a very big one. Therefore he finds it difficult to point at any particularly obvious difference, but he has discovered quite a few peculiarities. For example, to get a Japanese girl to go on a date is not much of a challenge. They are generally inclined to give positive responses to most invitations, this also in cases where Western girls would rather prefer to crack up in front of you. Yet, this does not necessarily imply a big difference in the field of dating. As Emanuel strictly emphasises, "The beginning is easier, but then it ends nowhere".
As an example, he brings up the experience of a good friend of his who was over heels in love with a certain Japanese girl. They went out on a couple of dates, which he considered to have been successful, but on the third she managed to leave him dumbfounded. Suddenly during their meal, she bursts out; "Oh yes, you have to meet my boyfriend, he is really rich!". The cultural misunderstandings can sometimes not be solved at once, especially when your date has intentions and dreams very different from yours.
Going out with guys would certainly solve that problem, this given that they have the same sexual preference. Yet Emanuel can not hide from the fact that he prefers going out with girls, this even if there is no prospect of romance involved. He also emphasises that it is an excellent way to learn Japanese, and meeting a Japanese girl every day certainly provides some free conversation classes. Compared to boys, he definitively feels that girls are much more patient when it comes to his still imperfect Japanese. Another problem is that guys seldom are willing to speak Japanese at all, this probably due to the globally awkward male pride. "Even if a guy's English is a disaster, he will answer in bad English instead of Japanese", Emanuel states while shaking his head in order to believe his own statement.
Still, none of his friends have given him any luck romantically speaking. "This is my fault", he says almost as if to excuse himself. Needing a girl with a strong personality, he obviously feels his selection is just as limited here as in Switzerland. Still Emanuel's numerous encounters with Japanese girls have provided him with a lot of insight, and he is among his male friends known as something close to a guru in this area. Emanuel usually gets introduced to girls through other friends of his, this in what to outsiders must look like a domino process. Because eating dinner with all of them became too expensive, he recently decided to take more advantage of the local coffee shops. Still many people consider his busy schedule a bit awkward, this because girls fill up most of his free-time. Yet this does not mean he has any understanding for the suggestion that he should hang out with guys more often. When hearing this, as he often does, Emanuel will automatically look extremely surprised for a moment. He will then give his standard explanation, in which he is equally surprised and disappointed to see is not obvious to everyone: "The dorm is full of guys, why should I want to go out with them?".
